***WARNING: Today’s post uses a four letter term synonymous with and sharing the first and last letters with the word “scat.” This word appears numerous, numerous times. If foul language and scatological references offend you, please click here now.***
“What are you doing?” the Regal security guard asked me, puffing up his mid-aged frame.
“I’m taking a photo of my IMAX 3D glasses.”
“For my blog.”
“Who do you work for?”
“Do you work for Cinemark? Do you work for IMAX?”
“I have to go to the restroom.”
And with that, I picked up my pair of Regal IMAX 3D glasses and headed to the restroom – to photograph them in the only area I’d feel safe from the prying eyes of a ridiculous rent-a-cop. Who had sent him after me? Why would this concern them? It wasn’t like I was holding the prototype glasses for the next generation of IMAX 3D.
In fact, what I was holding in my hands was really much more like a piece of shit. Which is why it was apropos that I should photograph it in the restroom. Afterall, if you’re going to photograph a piece of shit, you might as well do it in the place where shit belongs.
This is what I mean:
So for almost $20 at an upscale cineplex digiminIMAX, I get a piece of shit leftover from a bad Disney theme park experience. And don’t think this is a temporary thing – they’ve been using these yellow monstrosities for at least a year.
Meanwhile, folks going to REALD showings in the very same cineplex enjoy the nice pair shown below on the left, delivered in a sealed bag, while folks with the wisdom to attend the 1570 giant screen theater 30 minutes down the road, a theater owned and operated by the mighty IMAX Corporation itself, get the pair on the right.
So, I’ve been hoodwinked. My premium experience, at a premium charge, gave me a small screen, a poorly designed auditorium, light reflecting from every angle off my polarizers, and a small pair of yellow 3d glasses so poorly made and maintained that I snapped the arms off the frame and flushed it down the toilet so it could join the other pieces of shit.
Except for that one piece of shit – the guy in the Cinemark XD theater with the Oakley glasses who thought he was the coolest cat in the theater. I told him to go outside and stare at the sun. But more on that tomorrow, as 30 Days of 3D looks at how cinemas are going the way of the airlines.